Has anyone ever felt that they are so completely and utterly in love with someone, and you only realise that you weren’t when you meet someone different? Don’t worry; I’m not talking about soulmates just yet!! Well that was me 7 months ago. I was completely in my element. I had met a guy (who, now I can assure you, was way less than perfect) and my world revolved around him completely and utterly! Now, have you ever been so smitten with somebody that you lose track of the more important things in life? Like your friends? (Come on, you can be honest!!) – Well when I fell for the man who would inevitably break my heart, that’s what I did. Stupidly, I completely disregarded my friends for the person that I believed would be the be-all-and-end-all of my life… I childish error to make (as those of you honest enough to confess will appreciate) but I HAVE learnt from those mistakes…
…The relationship ran as smoothly as the next one. We had our ups and downs; sometimes we couldn’t stand the sight of each other and then others I couldn’t stand to be away from him (you will notice at that point I said ‘I’ not ‘we’) in my mind everything ran perfectly, until we started having our problems, MAJOR problems. Suddenly anything that went wrong in his life became my fault (it still does actually), the affection was lost between us, sex was a thing of myth, and then there were rumours… rumours that would haunt me a little everyday. Finally, the relationship took a nosedive, and darkness engulfed me.
Those of you who could confess that they have neglected their friends for the person they have fallen for will appreciate the feeling of loneliness that comes next. SURE, EVERYONE has to go through the heartbreak that comes when a relationship meets its demise, but most have the stability of their friends to fall back on. I didn’t (smart, I know!!) and thus not only was I a broken man but I was a lonely one at that!
SOMEHOW, I managed to find that inner strength that you need to be able to pick yourself up again. In the depths of my soul I managed to find that spark of light to begin diminishing the dark, and I made a promise to myself. Never would I let myself become open to pain again. I would never wear my heart on my sleeve and I most certainly wasn’t going to fall for anyone any time soon! I have built my walls so high that they’re unbreakable to anyone that isn’t my soulmate (I’ll add another post to explain FULLY the definition of a soulmate!)
The future may have looked bleak… but with my new found inner strength, I was ready to battle on regardless…
With the lonely nights drawing in, I found myself trawling the web for some form of entertainment and I managed to stumble on a set of vlogs between a boy and his friend. Together they were funny and inventive, and within no time I was hooked on watching him. Finally, I had plucked up the courage and I sent them a message. To my surprise he replied and after a few conversations I discovered that he was into boys too (HOORAY!), although that was also the point that i found out he is with someone else....
Ever the optimist, i continued to speak to him regardless. In all honesty i don't know why i didnt give up then.... i guess i was sort of in awe of him? has that ever happened to you? i mean, when you know that someone is completely untouchable and yet, there is just SOMETHING about them that you can't put your finger on?? URGH the whole set up was wierd, and i still don't know why i don't just give up?
So anyway, we continued to speak on and off online for a little while, when the chance came up for me to meet him.... I had gone out with my mate and we accidentally on purpose stumbled into the same bar as he was in...
More to come in the next post.... and hopefully, by then we'll be up to the present ;)
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