Le Coeur A Ses Raisons Que La Raison Ne Connait Point

Oh those eyes!!! Now usually, I wouldn’t have been speaking to him with a webcam, but that night was different. My friend’s laptop came complete with camera, so inevitably we ended up speaking to each other with that!

Now, after my friend had passed into the land of nod, we began to speak on a more personal level… I will admit that I flirt far too much with Jack. I know that I shouldn’t – that it is wrong – but he seems to have this effect on me. Like I don’t care? Like he makes me want to be honest even though every logical thought in my brain is screaming at me to play it cool!

Eventually towards the end of the night (day had quite literally started to break) I said something that perhaps I shouldn’t. I told him that his eyes betray his secrets. Let me explain, usually if I was to flirt with him, I would get a response which is reasonably non committal. An answer which is neither here nor there. But then, USUALLY I can’t see his face… I told him that his voice might be telling me one thing, but his eyes tell me a completely different story…

He asked me to explain what it was that I meant (urgh!!) – And I did… although rather reluctantly! I told him that maybe I was right in thinking that although he tells me with his voice that fairytale romances aren’t real… his eyes completely sell him out. When his eyes smile, the truth in what he feels comes out. He responded quite simply with:

“It’s a good job I’m not on cam often then”

Maybe he is just being playful? I don’t know, but I don’t think that he realises, that whilst I am aware that nothing can happen all of the time he is with his boyfriend; it doesn’t stop me longing for it. How amazing would it be that if whilst bathed in stars and candlelight I could show him how I really feel?! If just for one precious moment I could forget everything else has ever existed and be lost there in that single moment in time…

So now here is the thing… I guess the sole reason for this post at all… if I have ever needed advice, and comments, now is the time. I think I’m falling. I’m in too deep and I know that there is no chance that we are ever going to be, but the heart wants what it wants! I think at this point though, I am ready to end the whole thing. Keep him as my friend, but banish these thoughts from my head? i think i wuld rather lose him romantically then all together? i love speaing t him s maybe it is time to destroy other thoughts....but if i do, then i wouldnt be able to go back for my own sanity... time to face up?

Please give me some feed back on this, I would REALLY appreciate it.
After all, the heart has its reasons, of which reason knows not.