POSSIBLY a big mistake!!!

OK, so I took it upon myself to make the Vlog.... only done one... and yes, it was VERRRRY awkward.... I'll see how that video goes down before i opt (foolishly) into making any more!!!

Go on over to Youtube, and search benjconfessions ... then subscribe there, and i can see if the Vlogs will be successful or not.... I HIGHLY doubt it!!!! - oh and thanks to Konnor, for your last message, made me smile :)

I will post again on here in a little while (after dinner!!) with the weekend's events!!

Benj x

To film or not to film.... THAT is the question!!!

OK, so once again this is just a small post to let you now that i haven't forgotten about you or my blog!!!

Tomorrow i will post lots ( i have LOTS of new ideas for how we can jazz this whole situation up a bit!!!) - oh and also, ill fill you in on the weekend just gone (yes, with Jack!!!)

But the reason for this particular post is because i had an idea.... maybe i could make Video Blogs as well... You'd DEFINITELY have a better idea of me then, good or bad! But before i went ahead and made a fool out of myself, i just wanted to know your opinions??? what do you think??

So, more coming tomorrow, everything from Jack, to scaling fences and then to the fresher ideas for this place!!!! Comments please!!!!

Benj x

If i can have just a TEEEEENY second...

So here's the thing.... if you scroll to the bottom of the page (keep going until you get RIGHT to the bottom) there' a bit that says:

Posts (atom)

Here' the cool part... if you click on that, then you will get an option to subscribe to my Blog... which will mean that you get feeds that tell you when I have updated my page with my sad (and somewhat pathetic) love life :)

I mean, you don't have to.... but it's aways nice to know that i'm not discussing my terrible love life with myself!!!

Benj x

"Just wanna be wanted"

So even though my initial ideas have taken a massive kick to the head,my motivation STILL isn't dwindling. (A big middle finger to anyone that ever says I don't have any staying-power!!!!). Technology, it would seem, ISN'T the way forward... or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places?

Seedy websites for pervy middle aged men really doesn't do it for me... Perhaps I should try another website? SURELY they can't ALL be that bad- can they? I am just a little concerned that I will end up seeing more than I had bargained for! I mean, don't get me wrong... I AM celibate,but I think I would prefer to get my kicks in the .... Erm ...traditional way? I mean, whatever happened to boy meets girl (or boy),boy kisses girl (or boy), boy dates girl (or boy), girl (or boy) feels the way they deserve? This just all seems a bit "wham, bam, thank you ma'am!" - Bish, bash bosh, I'll call you (but probably not!)

NO THANK YOU!!!!

However, I'll give good old technology another shot - just ONE more. I'm sure that the internet has FAAAARRR more to offer. I mean, people meet their soulmates all the time via being online, don't they?! I would hazard a guess that some of you are wondering why I feel the need to have found 'Mr. Right' anyway. Let me explain just a little bit...

If you have read all of my posts then you will understand that I am this HUGE romantic that wants to be wanted I guess. But THAT isn't really the point.

See the point is that my life (since Rob, anyway) is dominated by my insecurities. I think that they literally dictate who I speak to and how I behave when I am around them. I honestly feel unattractive and uninteresting and my self confidence is at a critical low. So maybe it's not such a case of me needing to find a soulmate, but to feel a little... wanted?

Scenic Texts...

Well, the night wasn't a roaring success... but then with your mother at your side, I guess it was never going to be... oh, and the fact that I live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere proves to be a hindrance!!

I guess that I should give you the run-down on where I live, and then maybe you will get a good idea of why finding someone is a little more difficult than it should be. Should you look on a map, then you would be forgiven for thinking that I live in a densely populated area. I don't!

My village is in between 3 major towns, but only if you travel for about 20 minutes in each direction... sure, it's scenic, but that's about all.So, on a good note, at least when I DO find someone, I can charm the pants off them with beautiful quiet scenery bathed in starlight...

... Back to the point in hand, if it wasn't difficult enough to meet gaymen to begin with, throw in your mother and living in the middle ofnowhere, and I have NO HOPE at all!!!

Remember a few days ago when I posted my new idea with the help of my mobile phone? Well, I sent these messages out, and got all of NO replies... maybe none of the (10) people that I text have credit? Or maybe I really am as ugly as I think? ...I'm going with the latter!

Back to the drawing board for me... oh and have I forgotten to mention that this coming weekend, is the weekend that I stay with Jack...

Does your mother know that you're out.... well yes, actually!

OK.... so this is just a quick post...

I'm off out (with my mother, but hey, beggers can't be choosers)! Perhaps i'll be able to meet someone for this god forsaken Christmas party - which is drawing ever closer!

I'll be back online later, and we shall discover as to whether or not having your mother by your side will inhibit your chances of pulling!!! HAHAHAHA I WOUDN'T HOLD YOUR BREATH for a gripping post later on!

Still optimism and all that.....

"On est aisement dupe par ce qu' on aime"

A little off track today...

Whilst at work someone mentioned (as it quite often DOES) the subject of being gay. Now, for the heterosexuals, or teenage girls, this subject is, no doubt, both captivating and enthralling… after all, it isn’t every day that you have the opportunity to speak to a ‘real-life’ gay!!!

Now, when I first came out, at the age of 17, the opportunity to speak about it was usually grabbed at. When you have sat on a secret for so long, you can’t wait to actually get a sound reason to speak about it. But nearly 7 years on, and when the conversation is broached, the novelty of it has worn off a little. I begin to start having dark thoughts, and sarcasm suddenly becomes my second nature.

For example, I don’t sit and ask heterosexual men or women HALF of the questions that are usually presented to me. Everything, from what goes on in my love life, to what happens in the bedroom. Most of the time I feel like some sort of caged animal at the zoo, that everyone needs a good poke around with.

However, today, what REALLY made my blood boil was that someone that I actually trusted stated that being gay wasn’t ‘natural’. I COMPLETELY disagree – talk about a kick to the head!! Who is anyone to tell me that the way I am is un-natural. As I tried to explain to her (although it fell on completely deaf, ignorant ears) was that being gay is not a choice – I didn’t suddenly wake up one morning and think to myself “hmmm, do you know what, I think I am going to try boys today” – it just doesn’t work like that.

A heterosexual person never wakes up and makes the decision to be straight, no more than a gay person does. So for those that think it un-natural, I say NO. You’re wrong. Nature CHOSE ME to be this way…

Anyway, back on subject – now I have THAT off my chest – back to the matter in hand!! So far, Technology has taken a blow! Gay men’s personals’ sites have a LOT to answer for... however, i have begun to look into the other branches that it has to offer!

Whilst i lay in bed last night, i realise that my phone is inundated with phone numbers from random people that ive met whilst being out and about... and SURELY i only gave them my number if i liked them???

I have now sent maybe 10 different people a text message this morning (deviously) to ask how they are!!! I’ll keep you updated with the responces i get!!!